Communication is essential to any relationship. What I didn’t realize until recently is that “communication” includes something as rudimentary as being able to speak to one another.
It took me quite a while to start dating again after my ex left me. When I did finally get back in the saddle, I was severely hindered by living in a foreign country where most people speak a language that is not my own. There are so many nuances and subtleties involved in courting that if both parties don’t hold a proper command of a common language it becomes nearly impossible for any kind of connection to be sustained. There were a few first dates, but not many second dates. I was eventually fortunate enough to find someone who I could effectively communicate as well as frequently socialize with.
I was surprised to learn that this emotional language barrier also applies to less than close relationships. It occurred to me while chatting with a one on one student that I wasn’t emotionally invested in him at all. I have nothing more than a courteous interest in his family or life outside of work. The epiphany came when I figured out the reason for my disinterest was the fact that he couldn’t speak with me at a level similar to any of my other social contacts. I’ve had other students in the past who were more skilled in the English language and I was genuinely interested in their lives outside of the class/meeting room.
I would assume a lot of the same rules apply no matter how intimate a relationship is. So if you have a certain sense of humor and can’t convey it effectively, people won’t think you’re funny. Equally if your vocabulary is limited, you’ll say the same boring things over and over again even if you’re describing an excursion into the Amazon. Human beings are social creatures and 99% of socializing is talking to one another. If you can’t do that, well then I hope your charm transcends language.
Or you could always be kind of a strange old hermit…
jknitt
